One year on

Today marks one year since my story of fighting back was published.

Sharing my story is just one of the ways I have fought back and I have done so not only for myself, but for anyone else out there who may need a reminder that they are not alone, there is always hope, and that much beauty can be found from pain.

I am incredibly thankful to all of the readers who have taken the time to read my story, and to all those who have reached out to let me know how much my story has helped them.

I had no idea of just how many people I would reach when my story was first published and from so many different parts of the world too!

I hope that my story will continue to help and inspire others for many years to come.

With much love and gratitude,

Zoe

Author: zoepattersonfightingback

Practice what you love with love, working IN the moment and not FOR a moment. The world does not stop for defeat or for victory and neither should you. I have known victory and I am no stranger to defeat. Despite my personal challenges I still wake each day with the intention to practice what I love and this has served me well. I am an England boxing coach and qualified personal trainer, working hard to help others practice what they love.

18 thoughts on “One year on”

  1. You are an amazing person Zoe. Your story opened my eyes wide and broke my heart. I pray for you and wish you all the best. Sending you love.. Tania

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      1. Hi Zoe Patterson ive just finished reading your book how you was brought up in care was terrible i don’t know how you manage to get though it the experience you had was terrible being at a care home and not being loved by your mother to it was my first book i read for a while to tell the truth it was the book i read leaving school i was amazed and afraid for you at the same time how can people can be so disgusting i may not have brought up in the care home after reading what happened to you i feel i have to give back some things to make life easier for kids today in care Your Damon

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  2. Zoe. You are without a doubt the most awe inspiring and phenomenal woman I have heard of. You have the most beautiful soul and feel privileged to have read your book. Your book should be held up as a beacon of hope to those who don’t know where to turn and who are frightened of sticking their head above the parapet. I think you should write a series of books or even a SM account where you teach your techniques and methods of coping. I would definitely buy or subscribe.
    I do hope you continue to not speak to your mother. She sounds extremely toxic and poisonous (not to mention psychotic). I wondered if your brothers have children and does she behave the way your grandmother did?

    Personally I had my own issues growing up. (Though not to be compared in anyway to your traumas) My dad died when I was 9, I had an abusive stepfather who would not only hurt my mum but would also beat me and my brothers. Also my mum became an abusive alcoholic towards us and left the care of my baby sister to me from age 10 onwards. I was sexually abused by a neighbour who was a pillar of the community and it only stopped because his dog savaged him. I felt relieved but also robbed of justice and answers.
    No thought was given to my education and I left school without a single qualification. I have always struggled with my weight and have worked very hard in minimum wage jobs. My self esteem is non existent. But you have inspired me. You really have. I’ve just turned 40 and have never given myself permission to be happy. I am married and have 3 kids (I love them all so much) but I’ve always existed for the convenience of others. If someone who had suffered in the ways you had managed to get to a place of self acceptance then I must at least try. In the morning I’m making a GP appointment and demanding some counselling. Thank you once again. You truly are amazing

    Leanne

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    1. Hi Leanne.

      Thank you for sharing your story with me. I could identify with so much of what you shared. Let this be the first step towards finding the peace and happiness within yourself that you deserve.

      I completely understand your thoughts on permission. I still have days where I struggle with that. I use the affirmation, I am worthy, whenever I feel undeserving of good things/feelings.

      You can heal your life by Louise Hay is a wonderful book about self love and how to do it. The power of daily affirmations is something that changed my life. I would definitely recommend the book.

      I want you to know that you are not alone.

      You do deserve to be happy.

      You need permission from no one but yourself but if it helps… I give you permission to be happy Leanne, and so will every other woman who reads this and understands our struggles.

      Thank you for your suggestions re SM. In the not too distant future I am hoping to offer an online course offering some practical tips on improving your life (things that I have done that worked for me). It may not be for everyone but if it helps just one woman then it will be worth it. Watch this space!

      I wish you all the best in your healing journey. Sending you lots of love, light and positive energy.

      Zoe

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      1. Zoe!

        I just finished reading your book! I am in shock. I can’t believe what you endured. You are amazing. I wish I could have done something to protect you. Can we do something together to make sure this doesn’t happen to another sister or brother?

        I too have been so helped by Louise Hays book. I teach yoga and it spills from me as I’m teaching poses. I feel so much of what you described. It was so eloquent and I love that you continue to find yourself through nature, yoga, writing and boxing! It’s beautiful! I feel so called to do something about what you experienced. Let’s do something together! I send you love and light! 🙏 bre

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      2. Hi Bre,
        Thank you for your kind words. It’s great to hear from someone who has also benefited from Louise Hays book! I’m hopeful that I may have encouraged others to read it as it was life changing for me.

        What do you have in mind re doing something together to help others? I look forward to hearing from you. Sending you much love 🙏 Zoe

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      3. Hi Zoe!

        I hope this finds you doing beautifully!

        Ive been wanting to email you for a while. I have been thinking about exactly how we could make a difference.

        I teach yoga classes for donation-based because I think Yoga should be accessible to every single person. My yoga classes are a little bit different because They combined sacred plant medicine (in the form of cannabis ) with yoga. Before you think this is absolutely ridiculous please hear how this came about OK?

        I lived in Colorado for a year. I tried marijuana for the second time in my life and found it Really helped me feel my body. And I already was teaching yoga. But, I realized, I had gotten desensitized— just by living in the world and going through my life and every day traumas.

        When we are sensitive as children come it’s difficult to exist in the world with out developing some kind of armor or ways to desensitize, just as a coping mechanism.

        Once I tried plant medicine in the form of cannabis I could really feel my body. I was already a yoga teacher and already a life coach. But I had never fully felt my body in years. I could feel inflammation in my body. I could feel acid in my tummy and inflammation in my joints.

        After that initial experience I did some research and found that the combination of cannabis with yoga dates back thousands of years ago.

        What this has to do with you is I would like to donate half of my earnings to create a system or pay for better employees to care for foster children.

        I know you had bad experiences with marijuana from reading your book.

        But used medicinally it can help a lot of people. I would like to donate half of the money to foster caregivers that can provide true Loving homes to girls and boys that need it.

        I would like to set up an organization or find one that already exists that empowers caregivers and homes and other aspects of a loving caring environment to Be true community of support.

        I’d like to be a part of an organization of women that choose to give back to girls and boys from all walks of life and provide them with safety and security.

        I think he might be just a person who could create that organization. You would be able to reach so many people because you’ve reached so many already with your book. I would donate and I know that there would be a lot of other women but would want to donate to something that sincerely provided service like this for the world! What do you think?

        Bre

        Bre wolfe 808-344-4788 BREWOLFE.COM

        “Travel light, live light, be the light” Yogi bhajan

        >

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      4. Hi Bre,

        I’m so sorry for the very late reply.

        I am open to learning more about plant medicine. However, cannabis is illegal in the UK.

        I think an organisation that focussed on the wellbeing of carers/foster carers/residential carers is a great idea. I think there are a lot of carers out there who have no idea of the impact they have on children’s lives/futures (good and bad).
        Many are also underpaid and under appreciated. I think the same goes for the social workers dealing with these cases.

        I have thought of one day setting up some kind of organisation. I would like to work with other female survivors. I hadn’t thought of trying to reach out to carers.

        I think the resistance I have experienced regarding this idea would suggest that I’ve got some more forgiving to do re my own past carers. So thank you for revealing that to me : )

        I do think your idea is something that is much needed and would be of benefit to so many people.

        Thank you for sharing some of your experiences with me. Hopefully we will figure something out!

        Much love to you 🙏

        Zoe

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  3. Hi Zoe,
    I’ve just read your book for the second time. I work with young people on a voluntary basis and would like to say the things that happened to you couldn’t happen now, but unfortunately that’s just not the case. Reading your book reminds me of what to look for in some of the young people I meet. You have done amazingly well as an adult, I’m sure it’s not easy but keep going.
    Kate xx

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    1. Hi Kate, thank you for your kind words. You are right, it’s not always easy but the number of good days I have now far outweigh the bad ones!
      I am happy that my story has reminded you of what to look for with the kids you work with. It’s great that they have you looking out for them.
      Zoe xx

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  4. Thank you for your kind and thoughtful words Zoe. Sorry it’s taken me a while to respond. I’ve been struggling so much with my daughter’s mental health (nevermind my own). She’s 10 and has told me she’s gay or possibly bisexual which I’ve told her it doesn’t matter who or what she is, we will love and support her no matter what. It’s also likely she on the ASD and is OCD. She hates herself and tells me she wants to die. She started self harming with her dads razor. Arrggghh sorry to waffle on. I literally have no one to talk to these days and once I start typing I can’t stop.
    Also thanks for your permission to be happy (I know that sounds daft). My GP has increased my Sertraline dose. I’m not sure if it’s working (although I did dissolve into a whimpering imbecile over something petty when I stupidly ran out and couldn’t get any for 3 days). Once again thank you for your advice and support. I hope you are doing well.

    Xx

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    1. Hi Leanne, I am sorry to hear about the struggles you are facing with your daughter. It’s good that you have let her know that you will love and support her no matter what. I am sure that will be a great comfort and relief to her.

      I hope you were able to access some counselling for yourself. It is important to take some time for yourself to heal and I am sure that having a counsellor you trust would help you a lot. If the GP was no help there will probably be local charities that provide counselling services.

      I am doing ok thank you. I just take one day at a time, focusing on putting one foot in front of the other, and always try my best to find something I am grateful for (not always easy I know but it does get easier with practice!)

      Take care.

      Zoe xx

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  5. Zoe, I just finished your book ! I want you to know you are the strongest most amazing person for pulling yourself threw such a terrible situation. I work with girls aged 12 to 17 in a group home setting, never in my life would I allow any of that to happen and I want you to know you inspire me to be a better youth care worker.

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  6. Hi Zoe Patterson ive just finished reading your book how you was brought up in care was terrible i don’t know how you manage to get though it the experience you had was terrible being at a care home and not being loved by your mother to it was my first book i read for a while to tell the truth it was the book i read leaving school i was amazed and afraid for you at the same time how can people can be so disgusting i may not have brought up in the care home after reading what happened to you i feel i have to give back some things to make life easier for kids today in care Your Damon

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    1. Hi Damon, thank you for reading my story and for getting in touch to let me know how it has inspired you to want to help kids in care today.

      Knowing that my story is inspiring others to do something good helps me to feel a little bit better about all the bad things I’ve experienced. Good luck with everything.

      Zoe Patterson

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  7. Hi Zoe Patterson ive just read your book how you was brought up in the care services back then i was deserved how they let you down so badly and feel for you reading your experienced what made it worse your mum was terrible to you i could understand her you don’t deserve that any kid don’t your story and how you suffed have inspire me to do more kids in care today thank you to showing me the light Zoe XXX

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