Firstly, apologies to my followers for the lack of posts lately.
I’ve made a lot of changes in my life over the past few months. I’ve changed jobs, taken on some new voluntary work and started college.
All of these steps I have taken in pursuit of a dream I have of creating a not for profit community interest company, offering practical and emotional support to women whose lives have been affected by abuse.
I am happy to report that I am well on my way to trialing my first official twelve week programme, with the support of an experienced counsellor and yoga teacher.
As exciting as all this is, unfortunately I have also been experiencing a lot of fear, which has for a time silenced me in terms of writing.
Which brings me onto what I wanted to discuss, doubt and fear.
Recently a friend recommended I read a book called ‘The body keeps the score’, by Bessel Van Der Kolk, which is all about the ‘mind, brain, and body in the transformation of trauma’.
I have almost finished reading it and have found its content fascinating. Did you know that trauma, and in particular sexual abuse, can have as much of a physical effect on the brain as a stroke?
I would definitely recommend this book to anyone who has experienced trauma and to all those working with traumatised people.
Near the beginning of the book there is a quote I read that reminded me of something I wrote ten years ago.
“Doubts are like our fears and should be treated as such. They will never a leave a person who grows continuously. When you begin to doubt, know that you are in a moment of potential glorious change. Now isn’t that magnificent.”
I wrote this after completing my first six minute mile. I was on a treadmill and approaching the end of my fourth mile. I had five miles to run in total and I realised that if I upped my pace to a six minute mile, I’d finish my run in 34 minutes, which at the time would mean a new personal best for me. I didn’t know if I could achieve it but I was willing to try.
I increased my pace and after the first three minutes I began to doubt myself. I then became afraid that I might fall off the treadmill. And as my lungs began to worker harder than they ever had before I was hit with an almost overwhelming urge to hit the stop button, or reduce my pace right down to a steady jog, however I persevered, and to my surprise I completed the last two minutes without the overwhelming feeling that I needed to stop.
And so I realised that for as long as I was aiming for new goals in my life, it was likely that at some point on that journey I would encounter doubt and fear.
Plunging into the unknown is scary. There are no guarantees of success. However, I truly believe that self doubt, like fear, is there only as a guide to help protect you. A personal invitation to step outside of your comfort zone, and not, an instruction to ‘hit the stop button’.
And so I will leave you now with the quote I read which inspired this post.
“The greater the doubt, the greater the awakening; the smaller the doubt, the smaller the awakening. No doubt, no awakening.” C.-C. Chang.
So go on and take a leap of faith once in a while, the results may transform you.
With much love to you,