… is a line from a song by Keane that resonated with me when I was 17. I heard it playing on the radio recently and remembered how difficult it had been for me to watch my childhood friends attend college and then later on, university, when I could not.
At 17, I was unable to continue studying as I was suffering from the effects of the abuse that was still ongoing at that point in my life. Although I didn’t understand that at the time. I blamed myself. I believed that I wasn’t good enough and that there was something inherently wrong with me which was the reason why I was unable to progress in the same way that my friends were able to.
I didn’t understand that I was contending not only with the effects of PTSD, but also with the challenge of living independently at a young age, with no emotional support and financially reliant upon the benefit I’d been encouraged to apply for by my leaving care worker.
Now, nearly 19 years later, I am weeks away from earning a first class degree in counselling that will allow me to offer professional support to others who’ve experienced adversity and abuse. This week also marked the 5 year anniversary of the publication of trafficked girl.
I feel incredibly thankful to have reached this point in my life and I hope this post brings hope to anyone reading who also resonates with Keane’s song, everybody’s changing.
You are not alone.