First blog post

This is the post excerpt.

This week I received an advance copy of my book.

For many years now I have wanted to share my story.

The thought that I may be able to help others by sharing my own experiences has been an important factor in my own recovery and healing process. It has given my suffering meaning and with this I am able to rise each morning, count my blessings and, in the words of Henry David Thoreau, ‘live deliberately’.

Well…I try!

Unfortunately this week I have also been plagued with nightmares. It has been exhausting.

Last night I had some particularly disturbing nightmares about the abuse I suffered whilst living at Denver House. After waking for a third time I called for my dog. She knows this routine well now. She dived under the covers, turned herself around and then settled down next to me with her head resting on the opposite pillow.

Having her next to me and listening to her breathing (snoring) helped me to ground myself in the present and go back to sleep.

This time I had a wonderful dream that I would like to share with you.

I dreamt that I was cycling along a winding, cobbled road that climbed a steep hill. I was tired and it was dark. The bike I had was not suited to the road I was riding along which made the journey difficult but I would not allow myself to stop. I had a sense that I was almost where I needed to be although I had no idea where I was or where I was going.

I kept on cycling until I reached a flat surface on the hill. I stopped just as the sun began to rise. As it rose it spilled light over everything below it, revealing a beautiful town just on the other side of the hill. Beyond the town I could see the ocean glistening.

I like the way the light of the sun takes the place of the night’s darkness each morning.

I am grateful that I am enveloped by this light every day no matter how long the night before it.

The sunrise reminds me that light finds it’s way into all places in the same way that our inner light will shine through an open heart and wash over all of the darkness we have known.

Let us promise to keep rising and shining!

Zoe

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Author: zoepattersonfightingback

Practice what you love with love, working IN the moment and not FOR a moment. The world does not stop for defeat or for victory and neither should you. I have known victory and I am no stranger to defeat. Despite my personal challenges I still wake each day with the intention to practice what I love and this has served me well. I am an England boxing coach and qualified personal trainer, working hard to help others practice what they love.

12 thoughts on “First blog post”

  1. Loved reading your first blog Zoe. It’s a brilliant image of the road you’ve had to travel – and no one deserves to reach the town in the sun more than you do.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I love the way you describe the struggle up the of the hill and the relief and exhilaration you find at the top..and to know the effort was worthwhile. Also like the fact that you get comfort and reassurance from your dog !

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Zoe I just finished your book and I was stunned and saddened by the horrific experiences you had to endure as a young girl. Your strength and bravery is something my daughter and I will never forget and you will stay in our thoughts always. I love your blog – you express yourself beautifully! Well done with all your amazing achievements! Deb from Sydney Australia

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I have just started reading your book Zoe and I am astounded at what you went through as a young girl. Nobody should ever be treated that way and it made me very upset to read the kinds of things you had to deal with. You really are an amazing person and you should be so proud of all you have achieved! Good luck with everything in the future too ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hi Zoe I have just finished reading your book and I just want to say you should be so very proud of yourself you did it! You escaped from all those demons and have built a life. You are an inspiration to all who are going through the worst times of their life. Best wishes to you and good luck! X

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Hi Zoe,
    Wow! Congratulations on staying alive through all the horrendous abuse. I am so very sorry that there was no one when your mother decided to “do a number on you” and blame everything wrong in her life on you and to do everything she could to destroy your sunny, cheerful, smiling soul . And then Denver House, where all the social and care workers simply played it safe by “ignoring” your sexual abuse outside and being bullied by Natalie.

    I can see why so many other young girls simply couldn’t take the abuse and then wish to have their lives ended early somehow.

    Your book makes me want to find places like the “Denver House” and volunteer and spend time with the kids, do something to make their miserable lives less miserable by showing that people do care and there are decent people outside.

    It’s too bad about Jess who wanted to bring you down (again) so she could control you. It’s all about control and I think she’ll show up again at your doorstep to plead that you take her back (and she’ll lie again and abuse you again and again if you let her back in).

    I just finished reading your book and I understand the pain of a being an unwanted daughter who gets everyone’s anger that is directed by a jealous mother who is angry that her daughter will have an easier and better life than she did, thus she does everything she can to thwart her own daughter so she can feel better about herself.

    Hurting you was your mother’s way of feeling better about herself, that she had power over someone else. She couldn’t “get back” at her own father or her mother, your ‘Nan’, so she got back at you to get back at what was dealt to herself. She became twisted and warped along the way.

    Congrats on your brillant book! Sending you warm pink fuzzies, you are a super survivor.

    Katie

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Unfortunately my late mother was not ready to have one child, let alone 3 more after me, and had no support from her parents as she lived nearly 1,500 miles away in the states and my late father didn’t make enough to help her hire an ‘au pere’ other than sporadic ‘helpers’ who came and went and didn’t really help.

        But she was too damaged to ever be ready to take care of any children and so she had nothing to give to us: she was always looking outside for validation and attention and resented us children wanting her love and attention.

        I bring this up because the key to understanding how you developed such low self-esteem is how your mother emotionally abused you 24 x 7 and drinks herself to an early death because she can’t cope with what she went through. So your book is more than just being trafficked, it’s how you got there in the first place, thanks to the abuse and neglect of your family. I’m mentioning this so you can better position your book for all those girls and women who had abusive mothers.

        How are the book sales coming along? Perhaps you can arrange to have copies of your book available at local libraries near care facilities like ‘Denver House’, or with local social services.

        On a different subject, I highly encourage you to learn more self-defense, not just become a boxing coach, but learn some kind of internal energy based martial art such as Xing-yi, the practice of which will help you develop internal life force energy and be more grounded: https://www.daxuanschoollondon.com/xing-yi-london

        I understand you don’t live in London (who can afford to), but pulled up a website that describes their classes and methodology: Xing-yi , also known as Hsing-I, both roughly mean “Form Intent Boxing”.

        It’s something to look into. Stay strong!

        Like

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