Once I dreamed I was a butterfly…

In early 2014 I met a woman who changed my life forever. Those of you who have read my book will know this woman as Pam. I dedicate this post to her.

On 26 June 2014 I had a nightmare…

I dreamt that I was on my push bike, riding through a pitch dark tunnel. I knew that the tunnel was a dangerous place to be, but I also knew that I had to make my way through it, the alternative was too scary to contemplate.

As I made my way through the tunnel, peddling as fast and as hard as I could, I was aware of unknown men grabbing at me and hurting me. I knew that they would rape me and worse if I let them pull me from my bike. They grabbed at the back of my trousers and burnt my back with something hot but I managed to get away from them.

I emerged from the tunnel and found myself at the beginning of a path that I could see led onto many other paths, in a town I did not know. Crowds had gathered to observe me as I exited the tunnel and I could hear them talking amongst themselves, commenting on the scars and bruises that were visible on my body.

I was not affected by these comments, I was concerned only with finding my way through the maze that lay before me. I was determined to do it, and with the help from a stranger who stepped forward from the, not unfriendly crowd, I did.

I made my way through the town and found myself standing in a doorway looking into a large room that was full of Buddhist Monks. Each monk was surrounded by a mosquito net that protected the space around them. They each had a bed upon which they were sat and I could see that they were meditating.

I watched them meditating and noticed that scattered around them, within their protective shelters, were hundreds of chrysalis. Suddenly, they began to split and beautiful butterfly’s climbed out to stretch out their wings.I stepped through the doorway to get a closer look.

I realised that it was the monks meditative power that had coaxed the butterfly’s out of hiding. I then noticed an empty bed in the corner of the room, covered in unhatched chrysalis. I knew that the bed was meant for me and that it was time for me to claim my own space and awaken all that was sleeping within me.

Looking back through my journal, I am reminded of a quote by the chinese philosopher, Zhuangzi…


…Pam, I want you to know that because of your help, I now feel like Chuang Tzu.

Thank you for helping me spread my wings and fly.




Author: zoepattersonfightingback

Practice what you love with love, working IN the moment and not FOR a moment. The world does not stop for defeat or for victory and neither should you. I have known victory and I am no stranger to defeat. Despite my personal challenges I still wake each day with the intention to practice what I love and this has served me well. I am an England boxing coach and qualified personal trainer, working hard to help others practice what they love.

One thought on “Once I dreamed I was a butterfly…”

  1. There was really no need, but thank you for this Zoe.
    You just keep on flying. Remember just to stop and catch a thermal now and again, and just take in the view. You’ve travelled so far with such courage : )
    Namaste my little fighter.

    Liked by 1 person

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