Firstly, apologies to my followers for the lack of posts lately.
I’ve made a lot of changes in my life over the past few months. I’ve changed jobs, taken on some new voluntary work and started college.
All of these steps I have taken in pursuit of a dream I have of creating a not for profit community interest company, offering practical and emotional support to women whose lives have been affected by abuse.
I am happy to report that I am well on my way to trialing my first official twelve week programme, with the support of an experienced counsellor and yoga teacher.
As exciting as all this is, unfortunately I have also been experiencing a lot of fear, which has for a time silenced me in terms of writing.
Which brings me onto what I wanted to discuss, doubt and fear.
Recently a friend recommended I read a book called ‘The body keeps the score’, by Bessel Van Der Kolk, which is all about the ‘mind, brain, and body in the transformation of trauma’.
I have almost finished reading it and have found its content fascinating. Did you know that trauma, and in particular sexual abuse, can have as much of a physical effect on the brain as a stroke?
I would definitely recommend this book to anyone who has experienced trauma and to all those working with traumatised people.
Near the beginning of the book there is a quote I read that reminded me of something I wrote ten years ago.
“Doubts are like our fears and should be treated as such. They will never a leave a person who grows continuously. When you begin to doubt, know that you are in a moment of potential glorious change. Now isn’t that magnificent.”
I wrote this after completing my first six minute mile. I was on a treadmill and approaching the end of my fourth mile. I had five miles to run in total and I realised that if I upped my pace to a six minute mile, I’d finish my run in 34 minutes, which at the time would mean a new personal best for me. I didn’t know if I could achieve it but I was willing to try.
I increased my pace and after the first three minutes I began to doubt myself. I then became afraid that I might fall off the treadmill. And as my lungs began to worker harder than they ever had before I was hit with an almost overwhelming urge to hit the stop button, or reduce my pace right down to a steady jog, however I persevered, and to my surprise I completed the last two minutes without the overwhelming feeling that I needed to stop.
And so I realised that for as long as I was aiming for new goals in my life, it was likely that at some point on that journey I would encounter doubt and fear.
Plunging into the unknown is scary. There are no guarantees of success. However, I truly believe that self doubt, like fear, is there only as a guide to help protect you. A personal invitation to step outside of your comfort zone, and not, an instruction to ‘hit the stop button’.
And so I will leave you now with the quote I read which inspired this post.
“The greater the doubt, the greater the awakening; the smaller the doubt, the smaller the awakening. No doubt, no awakening.” C.-C. Chang.
So go on and take a leap of faith once in a while, the results may transform you.
With much love to you,
4 thoughts on “A leap of faith”
I have just finished reading your book, and I was in tears a few times.
You are amazing to have come through everything and still be fighting to make a fantastic life for yourself now.
I hope you will continue to find peace and happiness and achieve everything you wish for. If anyone can, you can! X
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi Chloe, thank you for your support and encouragement. It really means such a lot to me. Sending much love and light to you. Zoe X
I have just finished your book. It was upsetting and hard to read at time but inspiring how much you have been through and are still going strong. Continue to do what makes you happy and who doesn’t love Celine Dion !!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi Karla, please forgive my late reply! Thank you for taking the time to write. This year I am definitely making more of an effort to focus on what makes me happy. Wishing you all the best for 2020, from one Celine Dion fan to another : ) Zoe