Author: zoepattersonfightingback

And the mother beat the little girl again and again until she became still.

But still the mother was not happy, for you see, the stiller the little girl became the more present she was and the more present she was, the greater her presence became.

And the mother did not like the little girls presence. And so she continued to beat her. And on it went until the little girl decided that being present was bad.

But the little girl could not rid herself of what she had come to think of as a curse, so she ignored it and hid herself away in order to not inflict it on anyone else.

This was the real curse.

Until she realised that her mother did not beat her because she was bad. The mother beat her because there was a light in her which the mother refused to recognise in herself.

And the little girl did not hide herself away because she was bad. She hid herself away because there was a light in her which she herself refused to recognise.

Eventually, the little girl was removed from her mother and sent out into the world alone. And to this day the pain of that relationship continues to grow the little girls presence.

On some days, she still tries to hide it.

On others, she lets it shine.

But no longer does she deny it.

-Zoe Patterson – Fighting Back

Last year I made the decision to spend Christmas alone and I have to say I had a lovely day. This year, however, I am spending Christmas alone when really there is someone I’d like to be spending it with. Circumstances won’t allow it and so this year I have a heavy heart.

I’ve seen so many social media posts this week wishing people a merry Christmas with loved ones. It seems to be an assumption, so often made, that we all have someone we love to spend Christmas with and that just isn’t the case. There will be many care leavers for example, and in particular, young care leavers, who will be spending Christmas alone this year. We don’t all have families that fit the current society’s definition of “normal” and that can bring about a sense of shame; shame silences us and perpetuates a feeling of disconnection, which brings about more shame and on and on it goes. I’ve certainly felt ashamed and disconnected today. But then I went for a walk and said good morning to a magpie and my perspective shifted.

Saying good morning to that magpie made my heart feel warm in the same way it would had I said good morning to someone I love, so I wished the tress a good morning too! There is a saying that blood is thicker than water. Well I am made of earth, so then, I can consider anything made of earth my blood.

Family is not limited to the human or that which we think of as blood, and I hope this provides some comfort and opportunities for connection for those of us who may be spending Christmas alone when we’d really rather not.

With love and warmest wishes,

-Zoe Patterson

-Fighting Back